how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
