WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
