If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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