so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
