I'm jealous of your bromance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
