she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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