i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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