im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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