you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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