It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
