i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
