I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need a beard to bite.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
