i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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