He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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