He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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