Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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