yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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