just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I want is dick and wine.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
