drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
