i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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