Kiss
Puke
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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