respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
