i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
