I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
