is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they need to just BURY HIM!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
