You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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