well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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