Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
