Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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