Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize