we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
