just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Small penises have feelings too.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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