The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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