I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
