are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
