dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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