she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
