You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
