omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
