i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
