Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We talked him into tasing himself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
