I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
