There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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