i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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