Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
