worst night to have a conscience
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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