if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
