it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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