How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
