bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
