The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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