my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
