I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
