I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
