it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
