I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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