My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
