The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
