So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
