I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
