I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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