Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
