So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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