This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
