hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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