My liver just broke up with me...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
