we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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