Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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