i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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