Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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